Have No Expectations

Have No Expectations
Steve Chandler,
Coach, Speaker, Author Extraordinaire

    You have two choices in your relationships with others. You can have relationships based on expectations, or relationships based on agreements.


Expectations are cowardly and self-defeating. They are cowardly because by expecting things of others I place all responsibility outside of myself. I expect my co-worker to do his job right, I expect my family member to behave a certain way, and the list goes on. When I am unhappy it's because of them. Expectations lead to disappointments. It's a miserable life expecting so much of others and suffering so much disappointment and betrayal.

There is a happier, more creative way ... a way that is both effective and spiritual at the same time, and that's a life of NO EXPECTATIONS. If something isn't happening, I create an agreement.


Agreements are courageous and creative. They honor the other person. They are co-authored between two composers of the agreement. People give their word and keep it. People honor agreements to a far greater degree than they live up to expectations. They feel stressed when their head is full of expectations of them. They feel pressure and resentment. They rebel. (Ever notice? Do you have children? Do you have employees?)


But create a good agreement? Both sides win. It's like writing a song together, like Lennon and McCartney writing together...."and, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."



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  • 2/8/2010 2:16 PM Sandy wrote:
    That sounds well and good. How would you go about this with someone who has ADHD? Those commitments do not seem to end in the desired result - the agreement met on a timely manner. When the task is done, it seems like "too little too late"
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    1. 2/8/2010 3:11 PM Hypnocoach Lisa wrote:
      Hi Sandy.
      Thanks for the question. I hear some frustration in this question.
      Although I did not write this particular post, I will comment on it from my perspective.
      From what I know about people with ADD (ADHD is the hyperactivity element of the "disorder"), time is not something they process as those without ADD brain patterns. So it's going to be more difficult to have agreements with them that are time-sensitive.
      Best to focus on other types of agreements with them, or find a way to get agreement on a time element but either create some flexibility in with it or give them some help on monitoring the time element, such as getting agreement that you can send them time reminders--though you have to first get agreement that they realize they have an issue with timeliness and are willing to be helped with that).
      Hope that helps.

      Reply to this
  • 9/6/2010 10:57 AM Fat Loss 4 Idiots wrote:
    This is my first time at your blog and I've really enjoyed looking around. I will come back again in the future to check out some of the other articles.
    Reply to this
  • 5/5/2011 6:04 AM soin wrote:
    I'm very interested in this subject and I myself do alot of research as well. Either way it was a well thoughtout and nice read so I figured I would leave you a comment.
    Reply to this
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